I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
