i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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