these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
