Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
