Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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