My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
