he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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