My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
