My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
honey bunches of taint.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
