if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
