I want to stick my p in your. b.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
