Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
well you can't waste a boner
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
