Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
