did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
