So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
