i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
