"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
