We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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