The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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