The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
