i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
