I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
