Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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