My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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