i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
