my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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