what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
