Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i think i just lost a toe
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
