I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
