PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
