i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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