Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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