??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
