This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
