Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
