I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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