i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The struggles of a small town man whore
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
