So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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