I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
