Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
