I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
