kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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