last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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