I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
