I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
