Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
