any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
