I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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