he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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