you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
